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Chapter 16 Author's Note:
Important context on one of the songs in this chapter - WARNING this does contain mention of a real-life suicide:
月亮代表我的心 (Yuèliàng dàibiǎo wǒ de xīn, The Moon Represents My Heart), recorded by Teresa Teng in 1977, is considered one of the most popular songs ever recorded in Mandarin, a cultural treasure, and has been covered by just about everybody and their brother - Xiao Zhan has done it, Bon Jovi has done it. Surprising absolutely no one, my personal favorite version is Da Zhangwei and A-Lin in S5.
99% of the time, it would not be considered at all significant or interesting for anyone, male or female, to sing it on any variety show. Even a male/female duo, or two people of the same gender who are clearly singing it together but not to each other would not raise eyebrows.
However, it also holds a special place in Chinese queer history: In 1997, shortly after mainland China effectively decriminalized homosexuality, Leslie Cheung performed 月亮代表我的心 and dedicated the song to his mother and his partner of over 15 years, Daffy Tong. Of course, he didn't explicitly call him that, only referred to him as "my good friend Mr. Tong" but he also talked about how Daffy supported him both emotionally and financially through the hardest times in his life. It's generally considered to be the moment that he came out and publicly acknowledged their relationship (he did explicitly come out as bi later), one of the first Chinese celebrities to ever do so. Unfortunately, that story does not have a happy ending; while their relationship was still strong, Leslie Cheung suffered from clinical depression and took his own life in 2003.
I think that Lan Wangji, having been living as an openly gay man for over a decade, would know this history even if he is not generally familiar with pop music. Everyone else involved certainly would. While literally everyone has performed this song, two men singing it very sincerely to each other would, I think, be seen by many people as sending a fairly direct and unmistakable message.
Every time they've come off stage after singing 约定, Wei Wuxian has to kiss Lan Zhan. The fact that this time they have to sit down and watch two more performances first sucks so bad.
Lin Hai had thrown in a twist they hadn't been warned about—after all six groups performed, the top two vote-getters were given immunity from elimination and only the bottom four did another song. So it's twice as hard to sit still and pay attention when there's an actual for real chance that one of them won't be there next week—a bigger chance than they expected, since now it's down to being out of four pairs instead of six. Wei Wuxian isn't worried about what that would mean offstage—they're a lot more solid than that—but he really, really doesn't want to do the finale with anyone but Lan Zhan.
On the up side, they came in fourth after the first song, after Mianmian and Wen Ning, then Bao Shan and Lan Jingyi, then Nie Huaisang and Ouyang Zizhen. So it doesn't feel like they're doomed like it would if they'd come in last, but still. He really, really hopes that the audience responds how they want them to to 约定 and isn't, like, full of homophobes.
In the end, they come in second of the last four after Nie Huaisang and Ouyang Zizhen—the only way the order changes is that Wen Qing and Qin Su came in last on the first performance but manage to squeak past Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing this time. But that is actually just for show, because now the audience has to vote for them all individually—they choose two seniors and two juniors to save, and whoever the bottom two of that vote are, are out.
He's sad to see both Qin Su and especially, of course, Xiao Xingchen go, but Wen Qing and A-Qing won't make a terrible duo for the finale. It definitely puts them at a disadvantage, hardly knowing each other, but the truth is nobody's expecting them to win anyhow (including them), so it'll be fine.
So when he gets offstage, his first priority is saying goodbye to Chen-jiu—whom he'll see again soon enough, he's sure, and talks to regularly, so it's not really a big emotional goodbye but it is a goodbye. Song Lan is backstage, too, and gets a little emotional about Wei Wuxian using music he introduced him to so long ago, so overall there may be a few tears shed but not that many. Lan Zhan, who has gotten to know them a bit better in the past couple of weeks, hugs them, too, which surprises Wei Wuxian. Lan Zhan still doesn't particularly want non-Wei Wuxian people touching him, but he is so determined to treat Wei Wuxian's family like his family. He hasn't said as much, but it's very clear, and Wei Wuxian really really needs to kiss him about it.
He finally manages to find a corner where they can have some semblance of privacy, but instead of kissing, Lan Zhan pulls him in for a long hug. Wei Wuxian gets that—they need physical connection with each other right now, and neither of them is actually all that picky about what form it takes. They stand there for a couple of minutes, arms around each other's waists, heads on each other's shoulders, just breathing.
Eventually, they raise their heads, but they're still just silently nuzzling each other, soaking each other in. Lan Zhan reaches up to stroke Wei Wuxian's cheek. "更爱你了(Love you even more)," Lan Zhan he whispers, taking the last line from the song. "Wei Ying. Every day."
They've sung it to each other and they both know it's very obvious they mean it, but they haven't said it outside of the song yet, so Wei Wuxian finally absolutely has to kiss him.
"Me, too," he says once they've pulled back. "Every day. Lan Zhan, this is..." He glances around. No one's paying attention to them in their dark back corner, but they're definitely not actually alone. "Not the place to have this conversation," he finishes with a laugh. "Later."
Just like Lin Hai, the confessional interviewer is very careful to talk around any message their performances might be sending, which is not a surprise.
Out of curiosity, they find his sister when they're done.
"Do you think that was too much?" he asks. "Too blatant for the network?"
"If I did think so, I would have stopped you days ago," Yanli reassures them. "Definitely not as much plausible deniability as before, but as long as we don't call attention to it it should be fine. People will think you're playing into the CP, that's all. I have talked to them, though, and I have at least one person on my side. I'm pretty sure he's figured out who I'm talking about, do you mind if I tell him?"
Wei Wuxian's heart rate picks up a bit. This feels like a point of no return, somehow—which is silly, because at this point like a dozen other musicians know, plus the entire crew. He has every intention of going public after the show is over, he has no desire whatsoever to hide Lan Zhan. But a network executive is a completely different creature than another pop star or even a legend like Bao Shan. (Anyhow, coming up in Hong Kong in the 70s she's definitely seen everything.) That's the kind of person who can sink his career—not singlehandedly, but that's a person who knows a lot of other people with similar power.
He nods, squeezing Lan Zhan's hand hard. "Yeah, sure. If you think he's really on our side."
Yanli nods. "A-Xian, I'll be careful. And if you decide dealing with this is too much, you can always just wait—"
"I don't want to, jie," he says, looking at Lan Zhan as he says it. "I don't want to kiss onstage or stand there and explain to Lin Hai that yes, as it happens, we are in fact in love, but what we want to do for the finale is gonna push the envelope harder than we did tonight. I can pull back if I need to, though. If they're not onboard I won't do anything that'll get you in trouble. But if we can, we want to."
The lyrics he's been writing for Wangxian could be made more ambiguous, with a few adjustments. It's about two people journeying through life and finally finding their zhiyin when they least expect it, and as currently written, it's very very clear that they are talking about each other. Just like tonight, in fact, the lyrics are running ahead of them—he's putting things he can't say yet into the lyrics and Lan Zhan is nice enough to pretend like it's not an open declaration. Things he really shouldn't be thinking and feeling about a guy he's known for this long, but not things he's going to put back in the box. And he's pretty sure that if Lan Zhan didn't agree, he would have pulled Wei Wuxian back by now, but instead every time Wei Wuxian gives him a new line that talks about continuing their life's journey together or even promises of forever, he just looks soft and in love.
“I'll keep you updated," Yanli says. She looks back and forth between the two of them. "I want this for you, and I think the new guidelines will help." The government just issued a slew of new media guidelines a couple of weeks ago—tightening some things, loosening others, but the one most relevant to them slightly loosens requirements on BL shows. It doesn't directly impact a show like this, but it's a signal to the network that the government, at least, may not give them pushback for having an overtly gay performance. That doesn't mean viewers won't, though. "Plan as if you'll get to do whatever you want, but have a backup just in case."
"Of course," Wei Wuxian says. She hugs each of them (again, Lan Zhan welcomes it) and rushes off to do producery things.
They go out with Nie Huaisang and Ouyang Zizhen, who gushes over their performances.
"Maybe we could do something like that for the finale, Nie-laoshi," he says. "It wouldn't be as good because it'd just be acting for us, but it might be fun!"
"Wow, Lan Jingyi wasn't kidding," Wei Wuxian says. "You are a secret gremlin."
Nie Huaisang looks thoughtful. "I wouldn't be opposed. But not a sappy love song like they did. Although the Barenaked Ladies was an excellent choice, Wei-xiong, I have that album but most people don't, very daring and not at all sappy. We have to find something like that if we're going to do a song that'll get us a CP supertopic."
"You guys are actually considering it, aren't you?" Wei Wuxian says with a laugh. "There's like a 75% chance you're gonna go for it."
Nie Huaisang shrugs. "You don't get to have all the CP fun just because you're actually fucking. Obviously he's too young for me, but Wang Lingjiao is too young for Wen Chao and that sure didn't stop them."
When they get home, Lan Zhan fucks him, but it's slow and sweet, and it wouldn't quite be what Wei Wuxian needs except that it becomes very clear that Lan Zhan is edging him on purpose, backing off every time he gets close, which is so frustrating and so delicious.
"Okay, I need you to know," Wei Wuxian starts. Their post-coital making out has faded out, and they're snuggled up in Lan Zhan's bed this time. Wei Wuxian takes Lan Zhan's face in his hands. "I'm gonna say some stuff. And it's not the endorphins talking. Like maybe 10% tops. This is all stuff I've thought before, stuff I've wanted to say before, I just can't keep it in anymore."
Lan Zhan hums in assurance and kisses his forehead.
"This is all.. it's so much Lan Zhan," he says. "I mean, in the best way! A little overwhelming, but amazing. It's never been this... much for me, this intense. I mean, plenty of things have been intense, but not love, not like this. Not for me."
"Not for me, either," Lan Zhan says. "But this is."
"Does that ever worry you?" Wei Wuxian asks, but before Lan Zhan can answer he keeps babbling. "I mean, I dunno, I kinda feel like I should feel like we're going too fast, I should worry that I'm falling too far, too fast, and it's all gonna fall apart when the show is over, but I—I don't. I'm not worried about that at all, actually! Is that, like, naive of me? Am I being immature about this? I feel like a responsible adult would want to take it slower, and not tell you three weeks in that I think I'm gonna want to spend the rest of my life with you—"
The only reason, in retrospect, that he wasn't expecting Lan Zhan to shove him down and kiss him senseless right then was that he was so in his own head, babbling out all his insecurities, he didn't even realize what was about to come out of his mouth.
"All that matters," Lan Zhan manages to say in between kisses, "is that we are naive, immature, irresponsible adults together." Wei Wuxian laughs into Lan Zhan's mouth. "Wei Ying, I don't know exactly what will happen once the show is over, but I know whatever happens, I will want it to be with you. I always will. Always." Lan Zhan says it like a solemn vow. Wei Wuxian has to fling his arms around Lan Zhan's shoulders and bury his face in Lan Zhan's neck, because he can't take another second of Lan Zhan's sincere, loving face but also has no desire to hide anywhere but in Lan Zhan.
"After," he murmurs. "Fuck. We have to figure that out eventually, huh? Soon, actually. Damn. You're in Suzhou, and I'm in Beijing, we've got to figure out how we're gonna make this work. I'm probably more flexible than you are, I travel a lot anyhow—"
"I will be in Beijing soon," Lan Zhan says, and Wei Wuxian's head pops up. "I have two weeks off after this wraps, and then I will be there for two months for a show. I had planned to spend those two weeks at home, but obviously I would rather spend them with you."
"Seriously?" Wei Wuxian grins. "That's perfect. Because I do travel a lot, but I was planning to mostly be close to home for the next few months because I'm hoping to get the new album out. Oh! Our song has to be on it, but we can deal with that later. You'll stay with me, right? I mean, like, live with me while you're in Beijing?"
"If you'll allow it, that would be my first choice," Lan Zhan says.
Wei Wuxian scoffs. "Allow it? Of course it's my first choice, too! And then if you're there for two and a half months, that gives us plenty of time to work out where we go from there. It'll take some planning, but we can handle that. I'd be happy to be in Suzhou part time. But—whatever, we can deal with that later." He can't fight a grin that makes his cheeks hurt. "Lan Zhan! This is really happening. We can really do this."
He lunges forward, unable to take one more second of not kissing Lan Zhan.
They toss around a few ideas for a second song, but none feel right. There's one that keeps floating to the top of Wei Wuxian's mind, but for once he's hesitant about suggesting it. Wangxian is the one that is really baring their souls, there's no reason he should feel shy about this idea, but it would be just as strong a declaration in a different way.
"So, there's this song by Teresa Teng," he starts, ready to explain the full context to Lan Zhan. "月亮代表我的心(The Moon Represents My Heart)."
Lan Zhan freezes where he'd been taking notes on their conversation (mostly to mine for things to say on camera later), then looks at Wei Wuxian. "Yes. I know it."
Wei Wuxian's eyebrows fly up. This song is near-unavoidable, but it's maybe the third song they've discussed all season that Lan Zhan has heard of before the show started, including a few that Wei Wuxian would have said nobody could have not heard before. "You do?"
Lan Zhan nods, putting his pen down and sitting back in his chair. "And I know why you're suggesting it. I think it would be perfect, but it might be something we would need Jiang Yanli's approval for. At least, the way we'd want to do it."
Suggesting they should loop jiejie in on this means he definitely knows the song's history. It wouldn't be odd for any random person to do it on a variety show, or even two guys just singing it together, but... two men, singing that song, very clearly and sincerely to each other. A lot of people won't take that as anything but a very public declaration that goes beyond CPs and what's onstage.
"Yeah, I think we would," Wei Wuxian agrees. "You want me to run it past her?" Lan Zhan nods.
Wei Wuxian texts her, simply We want to do 月亮代表我的心, do you think you could get approval for that?
They keep discussing songs in case they need a backup, but what Wei Wuxian really wants to do is dive into that one. If they do it, he wants to do Leslie Cheung justice. He doesn't want there to be any question that they know what they're doing, and why.
Ten minutes later, he gets the text back: Oh, A-Xian, that would be lovely. Are you sure? He just sends back Yep. And I know this means telling them what this is really all about. It's fine. Do whatever you have to do.
They're in the living room with the guqin and guitar, finalizing some lyrics for Wangxian, when somebody pounds on the door. Wei Wuxian jumps, and the note Lan Zhan was playing goes all wonky as his hand slips.
"Who the hell is that?" Wei Wuxian says to himself as he pulls the guitar off and sets it aside.
"I am not sure I want to know," Lan Zhan mutters.
He hasn't even made it out of the living room, though, when someone shouts through the door, "Come on, asshole, open the door!"
Wei Wuxian immediately brightens and looks at Lan Zhan. "It's Jiang Cheng!" Lan Zhan looks understandably confused, but Wei Wuxian is too busy running to the door to worry about that.
"Jiang Cheng!" he cries as he throws the door open and his brother barges into the apartment. "What are you doing here? You're in Australia!"
"Yeah, they decided they'd rather have me walk in the Shanghai show this weekend, so here I am," Jiang Cheng grumbles. "Which is good, because if the agency hadn't sent me home I would've had to come back anyhow to kick your ass. Why did I have to find out through jiejie that you have a fucking boyfriend?"
Wei Wuxian groans. He'd told Yanli it was fine to mention Lan Zhan to Jiang Cheng, but obviously he'd meant to tell Jiang Cheng first. They've just been so busy prepping for the finale! "A-Cheng, I'm sorry. We've only been together a couple weeks, it's not like I was trying to hide it from you or something. I meant to call you or something."
"But I'm guessing literally everyone else on the show knows?" Jiang Cheng demands.
"Well, yeah, but only because I wanna be able to hold his hand on set. Okay, c'mon, you're here now, I'll introduce you." He drags Jiang Cheng into the living room, where Lan Zhan has stood up from his instrument and is watching Jiang Cheng very warily. "Lan Zhan, this is my brother, Jiang Cheng. A-Cheng, this is my boyfriend, Lan Wangji. We've been performing together—"
"I've been watching the show, dumbass, I know that much," Jiang Cheng interrupts him.
Wei Wuxian just rolls his eyes. At least Jiang Cheng goes to shake hands with Lan Zhan, who still looks wary.
But after the handshake, he turns back to Wei Wuxian, arms crossed. "So are you gay now or what?"
Lan Zhan appears to bristle, but to Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng's brusque, no-nonsense tone is a sign of acceptance, not complaint. He just wants to know what's going on with his brother. Wei Wuxian will have to give Lan Zhan a tutorial on Speaking Jiang Cheng.
"I'm bi," he says, then sighs. "Okay, this part not everyone on the show knows, you're number four after jiejie, Huaisang, and Lan Zhan, so don't repeat it—I was dating Wang Jiutang for three years back in the day."
"Seriously?" Jiang Cheng looks at him incredulously, sounding slightly disgusted. Lan Zhan is clearly about to say something about that, but before he can Jiang Cheng continues, "You have such bad taste, Wei Wuxian, what the fuck. Jiutang? You had eight hot guys to choose from and you picked him?"
Lan Zhan looks distinctly thrown off-balance by the direction that went.
"Okay, first off, as far as I know we were the only ones who were queer, so I definitely did not have eight hot guys to choose from," Wei Wuxian says defensively. "And what's wrong with Jiutang? He became kind of a dick toward the end, when he thought he was better than me, but he wasn't like that at first."
"He's weird-looking."
"His face has character," Wei Wuxian counters. "Anyhow, now I'm dating the most beautiful man in the universe," he says, waving a hand toward Lan Zhan, "so I think that makes up for it."
Jiang Cheng looks at Lan Zhan critically. "He's better than Jiutang," he admits.
Lan Zhan looks at Wei Wuxian with slightly widened eyes, clearly at a loss.
"The fact that he's giving you any kind of compliment is a very good sign," Wei Wuxian assures him. This just gets him a scowl from Jiang Cheng.
"It's a low bar," he grunts. "So this means I'm gonna be in town to watch the finale live. What are you two planning? I hope nothing like that shit you did with 时候, I do not need to see my brother about to make out with someone onstage in person. Especially now that I know that it probably was actually foreplay for you two."
"Yeah, that was pretty hot," Wei Wuxian says, mostly just to make Jiang Cheng glare harder. "But no, I think that kind of thing was a one-time deal, at least for this show. We've actually been writing a song together that we're gonna do—we were working on that when you got here—and then hopefully, if jie can get the network to approve it, um... 月亮代表我的心?"
Jiang Cheng stares at him for a good thirty seconds, and for once Wei Wuxian can't quite interpret this glare.
Finally, Jiang Cheng closes his eyes in apparent defeat. "Jesus fucking Christ, Wei Wuxian. You're gonna marry him or something, aren't you?"
Wei Wuxian opens his mouth, unsure what to say to that. Even after everything they've said to each other, he knows his face is going pink as he glances at Lan Zhan, who looks bewildered but maybe less like he wants to eject Jiang Cheng from the apartment.
"Do you... object to that?" Lan Zhan asks slowly, speaking to Jiang Cheng for the first time.
Jiang Cheng opens his eyes just to narrow them at Lan Zhan. "I'm not homophobic, if that's what you're asking," he snaps. "Does it sound like I care that you're a guy? Do I object to my brother deciding he's going to come out by declaring his love for some guy he's been dating for two weeks on national TV? Maybe a little, but it's not my life. He can make his own stupid choices, and so can you. And it's not like most people watching the show haven't figured out something's going on already, even if most of them still think you're just doing it for the CP. Would I object if he actually marries you?" He looks Lan Zhan up and down. "I don't know yet. You're probably better than Jin Zixuan, but again, low bar."
"We both get along fine with Jin Zixuan now," Wei Wuxian points out, mostly to Lan Zhan. "He was a bit of a dick when they first started dating, but he grew up. He's fine."
"Yeah, whatever," Jiang Cheng grumbles. "Anyhow, I haven't even seen jie yet—all I've done is drop my shit off at my apartment and then came straight here, so I'm gonna head over to her place. She wants you two to come over for dinner with everyone tonight. Seven o'clock." He glances at Lan Zhan. "Lan Wangji can decide for himself about the peacock."
"The peacock is Jin Zixuan," Wei Wuxian tells Lan Zhan. "Tell her we'll be there."
Dinner with the entire family is good, if awkward. For one thing, Lan Zhan is not the only new person at the table—the "entire family" now includes Qin Su and a kid named Mo Xuanyu who's maybe a little younger than her. Apparently Jin Zixuan has at least one other new half-sibling, Meng Yao, but he lives in Beijing. The new siblings are both quiet, even though Qin Su at least already knows half the people at the table.
Luckily, Jiang Cheng is always much less surly when he's around Jin Ling, who is in top form tonight. He's in preschool, and proudly shows off all the colors and shapes he knows.
Wei Wuxian was definitely not prepared to see Lan Zhan interact with a small child. Lan Zhan speaks to him seriously, asking him questions as if he's an adult, and Jin Ling clearly eats it up. Lan Zhan spends far more time talking to Jin Ling than to any of the adults.
He's grateful that their parents couldn't make it up from Lotus Pier. Wei Wuxian is rich enough now that he doesn't care if they disown him for dating Lan Zhan—but that doesn't mean he's eager to find out their reaction, particularly Madam Yu. She's settled down a little now since becoming a grandparent, and the mere fact of Wei Wuxian's success means she's more likely to suck up to him (which for her means not actively berate him) these days, but on the whole he'd rather not deal with her.
She comes up anyhow, though.
"Have you told Lan Wangji how the three of you came to your careers?" Jin Zixuan asks at one point. He grins ironically. "Every one of you a disappointment?"
Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian laugh, and even Jiang Cheng smirks.
"Okay, so, I was seven when they adopted me, right?" Lan Zhan nods. "It took about two years before Madam Yu decided that I was pretty enough that it was time I earned my keep and put me into child modeling."
"A-Cheng was soooo jealous," Yanli picks up the story. "But they wouldn't let him go with A-Xian. A-Cheng was not supposed to be wasting his time on frivolous things like modeling, he was supposed to be studying hard in school so he could take over the family business when he grew up."
"Ah." Lan Zhan looks like he sees where this is going.
"And they had some stupid ideas about femininity and appropriate careers or whatever," Jiang Cheng adds, rolling his eyes. "So A-jie was supposed to be studying the fine arts, and becoming a classical pianist or violinist or something."
"They had me in so many lessons," Yanli says, shaking her head. "Piano, violin, pipa, voice, dance. I was never very good at any of it, no matter how much I practiced."
"It turned out, of course, that I have kind of a pretty good singing voice," Wei Wuxian says. "As soon as she realized that, and that I could make more money for the family that way, that's when she started figuring out how to send me to idol boot camp. But that was fine with me—modeling was so boring, oh my God, Lan Zhan. Going somewhere to do nothing but sing and dance all day? That sounded amazing."
"And within a few years of A-Xian debuting," Yanli finishes, "we were all where we are now. A-Xian is the musician, A-Cheng quit college to become a runway model and is currently one of the most sought-after male models in China..."
"And A-Jie is the producer, working her way up the ladder to take over when dad retires from Lotus Productions," Jiang Cheng finishes.
"So basically," Wei Wuxian tells Lan Zhan, "none of us wound up in the right career. We're the three most successful disappointments a parent could have."
"I hope your parents do not truly see you as disappointments," Lan Zhan says, sounding truly concerned, which would be silly if it weren't for the fact that by now he knows the vague outlines of Wei Wuxian's relationship with Madam Yu, if not all of the details just yet.
"Well, dad doesn't," Jiang Cheng says. "And mom... can deal with it."
"That she can," Jiang Yanli says, her eyes hardening a little. "She adopted an orphan, only to turn around and decide that he needed to earn his keep. Frankly, she's lucky we're all on speaking terms with her."
"But she is fine with it now," Wei Wuxian assures Lan Zhan. "If she weren't, she couldn't use us for bragging rights, and we're all way too good at our jobs and way too highly-paid for her to resist that."
"And anyhow, I'm the biggest disappointment of them all," Jin Zixuan pipes up. "Literally none of the parents involved thinks being a stay-at-home dad is a valid career choice, but luckily my dad—our dad—" He glances at his half-siblings. "Can officially, legally fuck right off if he thinks he has any right to have an opinion on anyone's parenting."
"Cheers to that," Jiang Cheng says, and all the adults at the table raise their glass of whatever they happen to be drinking. Jin Ling, who is making shapes with his noodles and talking to himself about them, notices and belatedly holds up his glass of juice.
Their plan for Wangxian is coming together nicely. They're going to be in flowy robes, less martial-looking than the hanfu Lan Zhan wore for 时候, and the intro will be a duet on guqin and dizi. It's a good thing Wei Wuxian has to put the dizi down to sing, because learning the intro is currently about at the limit of his playing ability. Then he sits down on the floor with Lan Zhan and doesn't take his eyes off of him for the rest of the song, whether singing to him or watching and listening. On the final chorus, they stand up, Lan Zhan finally leaving the guqin behind, and come together—even more so than what they've done so far, more than singing to each other from a couple of feet away like they did with 约定. They finish the song, in fact, with their hands on each other's arms, a near-embrace.
In case writing the whole song together and relearning the dizi isn't enough, Lan Zhan is teaching him to sing in Kunqu opera style, and they're planning to do the first verse like that. Wei Wuxian is way more nervous about that than about the ending. They're both enjoying having Lan Zhan be the mentor this time, though. It feels like they're on fully even footing, two experienced musicians collaborating both in the writing and the performance, and Wei Wuxian can't help thinking that he'd be very excited to collaborate like this with Lan Zhan on every album he ever records again.
They sit down with Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen to discuss 月亮代表我的心.
"You don't think this is disrespectful, do you?" Wei Wuxian asks. This has been his biggest worry ever since he had the idea. "We're not doing it for fan service, or to try and win or anything. Honestly, I don't think we've got a serious shot at that, and neither of us cares."
"You want to make a statement," Xiao Xingchen finishes for him. "Like he did. We only met Leslie a few times, certainly didn't know him well. But of course we have a lot of friends and acquaintances in common. From what I know of him, I think he'd be thrilled for this to be part of his legacy."
"You're using the song to make a statement," Song Lan says, "but you're not using him or his memory. You're honoring it. What you're doing might be safer than it was then, but Wei Ying, we know better than anyone that it still takes a lot of courage." He looks at Lan Zhan. "For both of you. As long as coming out is still even a little unsafe, I think we all owe it to each other to keep honoring each other's queer legacies. You'll be showing millions of people that maybe they can be brave, too."
"The other thing is... I was considering, uh... doing part of my half as sort of a... dance mix kind of situation?" He winces. "That sounds so dumb. Just like... I want to represent, somehow, this idea of the two of us coming from different musical traditions, y'know?"
Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen are both nodding enthusiastically, though. "That sounds awesome," Song Lan says.
"You wouldn't be the first, you won't be the last," Xiao Xingchen adds with a shrug. "Everyone wants to put their own mark on a standard."
"So you don't think it's... I dunno, self-indulgent? Silly?" Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan are already holding hands under the table, and Lan Zhan gives his a squeeze.
"In the end, it's your performance," Xiao Xingchen says. "Your art. Your own statement about yourself and your love. You may be paying homage to someone else who used it similarly, but Leslie isn't on that stage—nobody but the two of you can create this for yourselves."
Wei Wuxian considers that.
It's a good thing they had most of Wangxian written before they even taped the last episode, because arranging 月亮代表我的心 just the way they want it, a blend of modern and traditional, is more time-intensive than they'd expected.
At the start, the stage is dark except an oversized moon hanging off to stage left and a pool of light downstage right. In that light is Lan Zhan, slightly raised so he's "on stage" singing in an old-fashioned nightclub, with Wei Wuxian as the only patron, sprawled at a tiny table. Lan Zhan sings the first verse out to the audience, just like Teresa Teng or Leslie Cheung or hundreds of other people before him. It's the first verse, but he performs it like it's the last verse, like he's finishing his show.
Wei Wuxian, his only audience, claps lazily, speeding up as a dance beat comes up under his clapping. He then directs a syncopated version of the second verse at Lan Zhan, almost confrontational but more in exasperation than anger—really? You're asking how deep my love is? Well, it's unwavering, duh. Then he grabs Lan Zhan's hand to drag him upstage, where the lights come up on a cartoonish set made up of brightly-colored hearts, flowers, and music notes; Wei Wuxian guiding a somewhat reluctant and bemused-looking Lan Zhan into his world. He presses Lan Zhan's hand against his own heart as he sings the bridge, Lan Zhan echoing him at the end of every line, but drops it after that to bop across the stage toward the moon through another verse, Lan Zhan trailing behind him, still echoing him.
The music slows back down at that point (that was a harder transition to get right than they'd expected, without stopping the music entirely like they do to speed it up at the start) as Lan Zhan sings the bridge back to him, Wei Wuxian doing the echoing this time. Then Lan Zhan takes his hand and leads him back downstage—gently this time, their fingers laced together very intentionally as they sing the last verse again, eyes never leaving each other.
Once they're downstage center, the music fades out entirely and they sing the first verse one last time, hands clasped and faces just inches apart, a cappella. Every time, it feels like the world really does narrow down to just the two of them—no stage, no music, no one to hear them declaring their love for each other.
Except for the fact that if all goes well, millions of people will hear it.
They prep an alternate version as well, that doesn't involve any hand-holding or gazing into each others' eyes, or even Wei Wuxian directing his first verse in Lan Zhan's direction at all. It will be a huge letdown to have to use it, though.
Thankfully, three days before the episode taping, Yanli comes up to them while they're in the green room with several other contestants.
"A-Xian! Wangji! I just heard back—the network has officially approved both of your song choices." She grins. "And you have full approval to do anything we'd let a man and a woman do onstage."
"Aw, no making out?" Wei Wuxian says with a pout. Yanli gives him a Look and he rushes to pull her into a hug. "I'm joking! This is amazing, best jiejie, best producer!"
"You should also thank Bao-laoshi," Yanli says, nodding to Bao Shan, who is listening (the whole room is listening at this point) from an armchair across the room. "She got wind of it, and was very in favor, and happens to know a person or two who matter. Her stamp of approval definitely helped."
"Stamp of approval, my ass," Bao Shan says derisively. "I told Wang Linxiao that if they didn't want this, I wouldn't be working with such a homophobic company again in the near future, and I know quite a few people who were also good friends with Leslie who wouldn't either." She makes eye contact with each of them in turn. "Believe me, he would love to know that what he did is helping younger people speak their truth."
Wei Wuxian nods, a little embarrassed to find that his eyes are welling up. "Thank you, Bao-laoshi," he says around a bit of lump in his throat.
Chapter 16 End Notes:
Music in this chapter:
月亮代表我的心 (Yuèliàng dàibiǎo wǒ de xīn, The Moon Represents My Heart) by Teresa Teng, and the Leslie Cheung performance. (See note at start of chapter for more information on the history of this song.)
ISTG you guys, I have listened to so many dance mixes of this song and have yet to find one I really like (this one isn't bad but it changes the tune more than I'd want for modeling WWX's version after). Of course, half of those are the same damn one that's been reuploaded to both YT and bilibili dozens of times, and most of the rest are just Teresa Teng's original vocals played over a dance beat. I have faith in WWX that he can do it well, though.